Welcome to the maiden voyage of a new column dedicated to autobiographical accounts of Madrid´s club scene--the best of house, trance, techno, and everything in between. We´ll keep coming at you with new editions detailing where to be and why. So keep coming back. This time Cool, Cream, and Room at Stella were all visited on a Thursday nite in late January. Drivers, start your engines...

If Clubs were tapas bars… we'd be drunk and broke:

1 a.m. Cool:

Trying with all its might to live up to its name, Cool is currently one of the hippest clubs in the city.

Cool is a place not only to dance but to see all the pretty people and, if you're lucky, to be seen. Unfortunately, at 1am on the night that doorman Javier described as "not their biggest" (their biggest being Saturday, of course), there weren't many people for us to see. In fact, aside from the bartenders, there were about 6 people at Cool. Three of them were up in the VIP-ish lounge, red-lit and comfy looking. DJ Tetsu, warming up the decks in the luxurious and well perched booth, claimed that people wouldn't show up until "around 3, but even then it won't be mobbed."

Well, no matter. Tetsu was in a very funky mood despite the empty dance floor and threw down what sounded like Beck if Beck got into house. This was an hour of stoned funk, like porn music with attitude: rude saxes and vocal samples, morphed bass guitar bass lines, cymbals, and always a buildup to some hard but not too hard bass thump that you knew was coming. It was more than anything fun, and Elizabeth and I danced a little while on the empty floor.The funky stuff eventually morphed toward the 90s and a more "standard" house, more familiar to everyone on the dance floor (me). A few tracks later Tetsu rolled back to some very disco-oriented, diva laden soft housish stuff: ringing vocals, smooth melodies. It was pretty indeed but lacked the intense punch that adrenalizes me when I'm dancing, and pushes me to keep going. No harm done: it was early still. Chill out and enjoy.

Cool is definitely a great place to dance. That is, aside from the people around you, the venue itself is very entertaining. The main area is dark with a high ceiling from where the plush DJ booth looms. The dance floor is outlined by several huge metal cylindrical columns spotted with bluelit bubbles that match the blue entrance hallway. You've got a couple of trippy screens to stare at, a huge disco ball, and a stage on the end opposite the entrance. There are also several small box platforms to let one or two intrepid dancers strut their stuff. The twin bars flank the dance floor but are set back a good 5 meters to allow serious chill out room, including dimly lit couchy corners. Above the sweaty masses, those in the VIP-ish lounge get their own bar, funky 70s egg chairs, and a wealth of ego inflation, no doubt (they wouldn't let me in).

So, although the dancing area is not huge, it's not terribly small either, and there's plenty of room to watch the action and sip an overpriced drink. And that's the other thing: Cool is an expensive, no-nonsesne commercial club. Lots of money was spent on its setup, because aesthetics are important to many clubbers, but especially those that frequent this place. A huge bilevel aluminum ramp, glowing brightly in blue light, greets the visitor upon entrance. As you descend into the actual "inside" of the place, the coatroom is easily accessible on your right; on your left everything and everybody is waiting to check you out. What are you wearing? Be sure to look good; most people here do. Lots of sexily dressed women who look like they paid a lot for their outfits. Lots of predictably dressed pijo (sloanish, posh, trendy look ) men, a fair amount sporting the whole collared shirt and woven sweater combo, one of my personal favorites.

I'm pretty sure I saw a few pairs of loafers. I definitely did not see any huge baggy pants, youngish kids in T-shirts, or sports jerseys. When I questioned the door guys about the dress code, they responded that a typical night is impossible to define by standards of dress, which I find hard to believe. But then again, they let me in with baggy pants and sneakers, so what am I being all suspicious about? All types, they assured me, are welcome here.

Given his creativity, who knows where Tetsu is going to take us tonite. In an hour we´d already gone from the 70s to the 90s and back--and "so, so smooth", as Elizabeth murmured. If I had been on drugs, I would have wanted to lay down right there, stage, and stare at the massively entertaining disco ball, which I would have interpreted as the central pulsating life force of everything Cool....but I was sober and the place was empty, so we decided instead to leave. Cool is very cool indeed but just not a cool enough scene at this very moment--we look forward to being back at primetime another nite. But for now we're off in search of a bangin party and beautiful babies.

Cool lies on calle Isabel la Católica 6. Metro: Santo Domingo, L2.

Next step of the route is Cream,keep in tune!!